No. J2K1253

People aren't just busy talking about what happened when the final episode of Sopranos faded to black… They're also talking about Jesus! Of the week! Spoiler alert: you're about to start reading letters to yours truly, straight from the Jesus of the Week mailbox.

Much to my surprise, last night after a prayer meeting and as I was falling asleep, I had a visitation from Lord Jesus. Am I blessed? Well he took my stroke magazines, my lube, my glow-in-the-dark rosaries beads I use for sex, all my paint-by-number Bambi paintings, and his AMEN sounded more like escaping gas than a statement. Get out and stay outta my bedroom and life, Jesus! YOU SMELL BAD!!!!
- Marcus Holly

Wow, Marcus. Wow. Way to kick off this session of mailbagging. If I were you though, I wouldn't kick Jesus out of bed for dropping communion wafer crumbs.

I want different sizes of Jesus pictures for my fellowship groups or Sunday school kids. Thank you. God bless.
- Kana, Papua New Guinea

Kana, I'm impressed that you have reached out to us all the way from Papua New Guinea. However, you are barking up the wrong tree. We only ship our multi-sized photos to that island everyone is stuck on in the show Lost.

Kindly send me Jesus images. I am also interested to save Jesus image on my mobile screen. Kindly send images. Thanks in the name of Jesus.
- Gladvin Rozario

Gladvin, are you buddies with Kana? Just a hunch.

You are a serious jerk...
- Anonymous

Fair enough.

oooo... dad u r great ...iam realy love u ... u r cricified for our sins.. realy thangsgiving all the time (sic)
- Muhtupandi

It makes me wonder whether Muhtupandi thinks Jesus Himself can be reached through the submission page on this site. Keep working on the English lessons, friend!

Is it possible to put the Jesus of the Moment as a slideshow for your screensaver? Thanks.
- Vanessa

Hell no.

My yard used to be beautiful... once I found Jesus. He was totally hot and buffed to the max. Then immigration came and I kind of lost sight of my savior. Your website has really helped me remember Him. Do you guys do yardwork?
- Anonymous

Hell yes.

Thank you for writing, all my wonderful readers! Don't stop believin'!