(Reload to resurrect)

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No. J2K1-9

Barbie is the stereotypically perfect woman: long blonde hair, a button nose, tiny waist, perky boobs, a wicked set of legs, and, of course, she's flexible. But what would it take for Ken to be the ideal man? Well, he'd have to be Jesus.

A Jesus-of-the-Week disciple known to us only as Bloody Cats-- who has a lot of ideas about the Ken doll, I should note-- sent us instructions on how to turn that plastic dreamboat into the King of Kings. A list of materials for this Jesus project requires "the love of Jesus in your heart" along with a hot glue gun and doll paint.

"Concerned that Skipper's phone conversations include talk about kissing boys and other sinful actions?" Ms. Cats writes. "You can bring our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into Barbie's life in a few simple steps."

First, lose the yellow plastic tupée and hook your fashion doll up with some Jesusly brunette locks-- add scraggle and beard for extra effect. Then take off that preppy Mattel outfit and let the Lord don his favored robe and sandals. The instructions then declare, "Now Barbie is ready to be saved!"

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